When I met Sean I had just gotten over a horrible "relationship" which left me feeling ugly, worthless, and absolutely infuriated with men. I cried every single day, often more than once. And not the pretty a couple tears here, a couple tears there kind of cry, but the full-on ugly cry. The kind of crying that leaves your face swollen and red, your eyes puffy and red and your sinuses full of you-know-what. But I got over it. I haven't cried like that for months. I've cried. But not like that.
This morning while I was getting ready for work, I overheard a guest psychologist talking about relationships on my regular morning radio station (The Beat 94.5). Cooper Lawrance, the author of the book "Been There, Done That, Kept the Jewelry", was talking about how the 800+ women she interviewed for her book all stated that they knew when they had met "the one" or "Mr. Right" because of all the "Mr. Wrongs" they had dated in the past and that, more often than not, Mr Right turned out to be nothing like the other duds that they had usually gravitated towards.
While I listened, I could not help but agree with everything she was saying and the conclusions outlined in her book.
Now, it has always been said that "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger", and that "you learn something from every failed relationship", but rarely do people take these simple lines any further. What I mean is that people usually keep making the same mistakes; that instead of going in the opposite or even a slightly different
direction of the "thing that almost killed them" they usually fall back into the same old habits. *A woman will keep dating the same type of men, be it "the eternal bachelor", or the "MIA one month down the line guy", or the "let's not put a lable on this guy" and will never seem to actually learn after every crash and burned relationship. But when they finally do; when they finally learn, when they finally look for something different than what they think they want, that's when they usually find "Mr. Right".
When I first met Sean there wasn't fireworks. I liked him for sure. He was attractive. He was sweet. He was adventurous and creative when picking our dates. He was a gentleman and respectful. He was interesting and interested. **He was pretty much the opposite of every other guy I have ever gotten myself caught up with.
We took things slowly. Heck, we didn't even share our first kiss until our 5th date.
It's funny though, I knew from the moment I met him that he was good. That he would be good to me. That, with him, I could actually have something good. And that I was finally ready. To accept the good. To take it in and give it back.
I haven't felt ugly, worthless, or infuriated with men in seven months. Actually, quite far from it.*I'm using a woman as an example because 1. I am a woman and 2. It's easier to focus on one sex, but I'm sure this can be applied to men as well.
**Not to say I haven't dated nice guys, most were nice-ish, just not "Mr. Right".