Squash, Squish, Sqoosh

The coming of spring means only one thing for basement dwellers such as myself …the return of the creepy, huge, albeit harmless, Wolf Spider.

Like my father and my sister AYG, I really am not a fan of the arachnid. I think they are fascinating…when seen on the TV, but in real life, they creep me out … A LOT. I think it has something to do with their eight hairy legs and their super fast running capability or perhaps the fact that they hang from something coming out of their butt … anyways, I just don’t like them. And to be honest, I don’t think they like me either.

Example #1: When I was in high school I noticed a large jumping spider in our kitchen before I went to school for the day. It looked cute, with its big eyes and little legs, so I decided to leave it alone. During dinner that night, I looked down to my lap and was horrified to find that this little jumping spider was just about to land in my lap. Seems it spent all day waiting for me to come home and when I did it hunted me like a lion hunts a zebra and decided to attack me from beneath the table. I squashed it.

Example #2: I used to iron my hair with my mom’s old school clothing iron. It was made of a shiny metal. As I was ironing my hair one day, I looked at the reflection in the iron and saw a spider suspended above me on its web…it was inching closer and closer. I squashed it.

In case these examples have not convinced you yet, I present:

Example #3: NMG will probably remember this. It was early summer. Cherry season time. I had just come in from picking a bucket full of cherries and was enjoying them and watching a soap with NMG. I was wearing a bathrobe and a sports bra. For about 10 minutes I could feel something sort of itchy on my arms and my chest. I had a terrible intuition that something was crawling around inside of my robe. I look down and all I saw was two creepy spider eyes looking up at me. From where? From inside my sports bra…right in the centre of my cleavage. I sprang from the couch…yelling expletives and other such garble. I threw off my robe and tried to flick the pervert of a spider out. When I realised that this was not going to work….I squashed him. Yup, right there in my bra…spider guts everywhere.

Just this Monday, I stumbled into the bathroom at 6:30 a.m. Not wearing my glasses, I noticed something about a foot away from me move. I knew what it was and just before it lunged at me I squashed it with a bottle of conditioner.

I know that house spiders are supposed to be a “good thing” because they eat other spiders and bugs and stuff, but come on! Who really allows spiders to roam freely in their house? Yuck! We even have horse chestnuts located around the suite because they supposedly scare off Wolf spiders. My questions is, where do they scare them off to? They’re already in the house!? I just hope it’s not my bedroom…my bedroom that does not have any horse chestnuts in it…ack! I’m going to have to do something about this when I get home.