My Life. . .as a Gong Show
Sometimes I think I'm the main character in a sitcom. Using my own life experiences I could probably create my own 1/2 hour prime time show with enough fresh material for a five year run. This morning would be one of those episodes . . . I was 20 minutes late for work this morning. Which isn't a really big deal because I can just make up the time during lunch, but for me it was pretty disappointing because I pride myself on getting to work every morning with at least 10 minutes to spare. So, you might be thinking to yourself. . ."what's so funny about being 20 minutes late Bryanna?". And I agree that on its own being late is not a funny matter. . .it could actually be quite serious for some people. If you're late repeatedly it could mean that it costs you your job. But, in my case it was really no big deal. . .So, I guess this episode would have to start when I arrived home from work yesterday. Nothing particularly exciting happened, I caught the #32 bus and arrived at home like I usually do. However, I did notice that the clock on the microwave and the clock in my bedroom were both flashing 12:00. Not having a watch I waited for someone to call and then used the time on the caller ID to reset the time and my alarm clock (pretty ingenious I thought). I made my dinner and watched an episode of Sex and the City like I usually do. I was pretty tired, so I decided to go to bed a bit early. By 9:30 I was sound asleep, but at 11:15 I was woken up with the arrival of my roommates. We have a small place so any noise you make inside can be heard from every bedroom. I quickly popped in my ear plugs and fell back asleep. I slept extremely pourly. I kept waking up and at one point was so thirsty that I had to get up to drink a glass of water. I woke up to the sound of my roommate in the shower. I looked at the clock. It read 7:15. I didn't think anything of it except that I noticed that my alarm didn't go off. Okay, my work day starts at 8:30. I usually get into the shower by 6:15 and onto the bus by 7:59. I have no idea why it didn't register that I was an hour late in getting up, but I just layed there until my roommate exited the shower at approximately 7:26. I leisurely had my shower like I usually do thinking to myself that I'll bring my breakfast to work with me because I was about 10 minutes later getting up. I bumped into my roommate on my way to my room. She asked me if I was going to work later today. I said no and then looked at the clock. It read 7:50 (the time I usually leave the house) and it STILL did not register in my head how late I was. I went back into my room. While I was applying the cream to my face I overheard the announcer on the radio make the comment that a lot of people's alarms would be going off now because it was 8:00. Now, at this point the camera man would do a close up of my face. My eyes would be bulging, conveying horror and disbelief. I shot up from my chair and looked at my clock. Sure enough it read 8:01. Many things raced in and out of my head. At first I was going to call work and give them the heads up, but I didn't know the number and it would make me even later. With my hair still soaking wet and my face without any make-up on (a very scary site for sure), I frantically put some panties on, a bra on, my stockings on, a skirt on, and a blouse on. I pulled my hair back into a clip and applied my make-up on in two minutes. I grabbed my lunch and some breakfast and was out the door at 8:15. This whole time thinking to myself how this could have happened? About a block down the road I felt my left stocking begin to slip down. (*side note: I bought some stockings that I thought were full nylons, but turned out to be the kind that went up to the thigh and stayed up with the help of a sort of sticky plastic lining at the top). I quickly reached down and tried to pull it up without exposing my crotch to the oncoming traffic. I took about five steps and I felt it begin to slip again. Luckily, there was a large Van parked on the side of the road. I stood behind it, reached under my skirt and gave my stocking a pretty good yank. That seemed to keep it up for about a block. . .by this time I had to laugh. I'm sure I looked pretty funny, holding my umbrella, my big pink bag, walking with a limp in the vain attempt to keep the stocking from slipping all the way to my ankle. I could see that my bus was no where in sight so I quickly slipped into an alley. This time I set my umbrella down and pulled that stocking all the way up to my crotch. When I did this, I noticed what the problem was. I had put the stocking on inside out, so that the sticky part that keeps it up was on the outside and the lacy part on the inside. I contemplated fixing this problem in the alley, but being scared that I would miss the next bus I gave it another yank and hoped to God that it would stay there until I got to the bus stop. The bus came and I sat down with no problems. However, a wave of panic swept over me as my stop came closer. What would I do if my stocking began to slip on my way to the office? There were no alleys to duck into. I limped across the street and soon felt that familiar slipping feeling. I quickly decided to enter the building through the side door. Before I entered I yanked again. Waiting for the elevator I was relieved and proud that I had made it to work only a little bit late. . . then my boss entered the lobby. "ack!" I said good morning and quickly mumbled something about my power going out. He's a very kind person and didn't even notice the time. I entered my cubicle, took off my shoe and my stocking and put it back on the right way. . . I'm not too sure how the episode would end, pehaps it could end with me noticing a run in my stocking. Any suggestions?