Bryanna and the City

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Why Can't I Marry Mr. Potatoe Head?

When I was a little girl, Mr Potatoe Head was one of my favourite toys. The different combinations of ears, noses, eyes, and mouths seemed endless. As I grew older, however, these mini plastic facial add ons quickly began to disappear and what I was left with was an incomplete mis-matched spud that I soon grew out of and completely forgot about until just a few weeks ago. As a single woman living in a big city, I've dated my fair share of men (& probably more) and to this day I am still and actually quite proud to say. . . single. I may sound like an egotistical, delusional freak when I say this, but I've come to the realization that I'm not in a relationship because of any character flaw of my own. . . but because I've been dating men who, just like my Mr. Potatoe Head toy, are inherently incomplete. For Example, Tom was nice to look at, but when he opened his mouth only nonsense came out. Dick was very intelligent, but was clueless when it came to the female body (if you know what I mean. . .). Harry was a Rasputin in bed, but was a Napoleon everywhere else. I can't help but wonder if this is it? In order to gain one very desireable trait in a partner, do I have to sacrifice another one? Does a complete Mr. Potatoe head of a man actually exist or will I have to settle for one with a missing nose or a mis-matched set of ears? My parents, my friends, and the world have always told me that one should never settle, that to "settle" reflects a weakness in oneself and shows a flaw in your own character. So, that's what I've done and that's why I'm single. Why would I settle for Tom, Dick OR Harry when I could have Tom, Dick, AND Harry? So, you see. . .it's very simple. You may never find a man who resembles a Mr. Potatoe Head fresh out of the box because they stopped manufacturing them a long time ago. . . but if you hold out long enough you'll be able to find one that's been taken care of, that may be missing a few pieces, but contains a full set of matching ears, with it's corresponding mouth, eyes, nose, a full set of hair...and if you're lucky, glasses. (At least I hope so. . . )