Bryanna and the City

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Er, love ya too, Mom.

This past Easter my Mom, my rock, my inspiration looked at me and said, “Bryanna you have to figure out what you’re going to do with your life. You don’t’ want to be one of those people that peaked in high school.”

Um, ouch?!

She has a point. I do worry about this. I worry that I have no direction. I worry that I’ll wake up one morning and wonder where the years went. I worry that I’m searching for happiness instead of just being happy in the moment. I worry about what other people think when I say, “I’m a receptionist”, even though it’s not permanent. You see? I can’t even say it without adding a disclaimer. I worry about money, even when I have it. However, I don’t think it’s a completely fair statement, this “peaking in high school” she talks about. You see, I kicked ass in high school. No, I took the ass of high school and kicked it so hard that it still needs an inflatable donut to sit down and, even then, it winces and curses my name. I played sports. I volunteered. I was involved in clubs and councils and groups. I got straight A’s and was Co- Valedictorian. I also had a part-time job and partied and hung out with boys and partook in a little underage drinking and perhaps some other “controlled” substances. Oh, and did I mention the Governor General’s medal? Yeah, so I’m kind of at a disadvantage here. I mean, if I’m not the valedictorian at my job or in my relationships does that mean that I’m not successful? Does that mean that my life now is less valuable, less important, less…meaningful? Does that really mean that my life is headed on a steady decline? At the age of 26?

And what about the people that sucked in high school? Those who just softly caressed the ass of high school? Can it really be that by just “not sucking” post high school they’re doing any better than me in life?

And what do we classify as success anyways? Is success directly proportional to the amount of student loan debt one incurs over the years? The more zeros, the more one is, supposedly, educated? Or is it the zeros in one’s bank account or one’s pay check that matter? Or perhaps it’s not even a numbers game, it’s one of letters? How many letters do you have after your name? Only 2? Hmm…guess you peaked in high school sweetie.

The tricky thing is that success is subjective. Everyone has his or her own idea about what success really is and consequently they judge others by this personal yard stick. For some people it’s money, for others it’s a family, and for some it’s about experience. For most, I hope, it has something to do with happiness, but, I wouldn’t want to subject my own biases onto you and assume this.

I may not be where I hope to be in 5 years, but who really is? We change. We grow. We constantly move forward. And that’s what I’m doing.

I just can’t really write about it…yet.