Try this one on for size!

This is going to be a quasi rant. What? Me? Rant? Never...uh, right. So for those of you "not in the know", there is a new very popular book out on bookstore shelves with the title He's Just Not that Into You. Because all of you are capable of deductive reasoning I will not give you an in depth description of it's subject matter. It is simply a book, authored by a man and a woman, that gives women advice about men. What they want, what they think and, of course, how to tell when he's just not that into you. Okay, so I'll admit, when I first saw this book I was intrigued. "Wow", I thought, "what a neat idea". I looked through the pages and the advice it gave was pretty accurate...I even considered buying it. Then I realized. Uh, why would I NEED this book? When I say this, I don't mean to imply that a man has never not been that into me ( does my double negative make sense?) Trust me. What I'm saying is that I KNOW WHEN A MAN IS NOT THAT INTO ME. Seriously. I don't need someone to tell me the signs...he doesn't call you back..er yeah..there's a sign. It's not brain surgery people. Men are NOT that complicated. If they don't want to be with you, they don't call you. And I've never been a girl to humiliate myself by ignoring the signs. When I thought about this "not into you" concept a little more, I realized that men, yes I said men, could use a book like this. You know, SHE's Just Not That Into You. I think I'm just the right person to write it... here's a preview (in He's Just Not That Into You format --- question & answer) ...

Question #1: I met this great girl one night at a pub. She and I chatted for about an hour, when her friend said that they were going I asked for her number and she gave it to me. I called her a couple days later and we went out for coffee. I thought the date went well, but when I called her the next day, she did not return my phone call. I called her again and left a message with her roommate and still no reply. What gives?

-Andy

Dear Andy,
She's just not that into you, champ. Seriously. If she wanted to see you again she would have returned your phone call, pronto. Women wait for men they like to phone them. Trust me, if she liked you, she would have been asking her roommate for any sort of message coming her way. I'm betting she had her roommate screen her calls for her since your date. Sorry....time to move on. Stop calling her.

Question #2: I worked with this girl for a couple of months in the summer. We talked a lot at work, but didn't interact outside of the office. When she quit her job, I tracked down her new number through her sister. When I phoned the first time, I left a message, but she did not return it. In the past five months I have left six messages and have called about 60 times. Why is she never home?

-Carlos

Dear Carlos,
Woah buddy...she's two phone calls away from filing a restraining order against you. Let me get this straight, you've been calling her for five months and have made about 60 phone calls...?? Umm... this is NOT a coincidence. Let me repeat. NOT A COINCIDENCE!! She obviously has caller ID and is probably looking over her shoulder every time she walks home now...I don't think I have to really say it, but she's just not that into you....freak.

Question #3: About a month ago I was dating this girl who I could tell was really into me. On our third date a told her that I wanted it to be casual. I called her two weeks after and she didn't return my phone call. I waited about a month and have been leaving messages on her voice mail and with her roommates, but I still haven't heard from her. What's going on?

-Steve

Dear Steve,

Maybe a month ago this girl was into you, but obviously she wants something more than this "casual" something you're offering her. What? Did you expect her to wait around for you to call? Like she has nothing better to do than to daydream about you and cry herself to sleep because you haven't called her in over a month. From what I can tell, she's moved on. You should too ... and smarten up, you should never wait two weeks to call a woman back, casual or not!


Okay, so my responses may be a little harsh, but I'm dealing with a "Steve" right now, so you'll have to excuse my cynicism for the time being. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, yes, these are ALL from experience.